Living Rent Free

Jen and I recently took trip to Maryland and Virginia to visit some relatives. It does the heart good to take a long drive occasionally, to reset the mental and visual home screens. Seeing new places, warming family ties, and considering different circumstances brings a type of clarity we all need from time to time. It was a great trip, aside from the shock at the fuel pump. 

One relative had recently bought a beautiful old Virginia home full of character, personal charm and brimming with possibilities. It’s a work in progress, and we were happy to lend a hand during our stay. 

Their huge backyard had several large brush and debris piles, an accumulation of years past. “Let’s start a burn pile,” it was suggested. You didn’t have to ask me twice. In no time at all we had a good blaze going and began feeding it with handfuls of dry sticks. The flames leapt high, the heat grew intense, and slowly the size of our fire inched larger. All afternoon we tossed wood on a crackling fire, watching branches shrink into glowing coals. With a poking stick in hand, I stood like a sentinel over the burning heap, throwing thoughts and prayers, as well as sticks upon the pile. Over two days we burned all the debris, a cluster of old wooden fence sections, stacks of burnable yard waste, and a few small trees. It was incredible to see how much was reduced by a roaring flame. From the kitchen window the backyard had changed for the better.

We weren’t the only ones having fun; in all the dismantling, their dog flushed out some rodents that had been living under the pile. She could smell those gnawing critters holed up in her space but hadn’t been able to find them until the brush pile was removed. She tossed them in the air by the scruffs of their necks, and would have easily dispatched them, had the chain link fence not got in the way. Who knows how many more unwelcome pests had been living in those piles? Today was eviction day. 

When the yard was clear it felt so satisfying, like dropping your backpack at the conclusion of a long hike. Weight off the legs, clutter off the brain.

Like many in this Lenten season, I’ve been maintaining a fast to better prepare my heart for the greatest hinge event of human history, the death and resurrection of Jesus the Messiah. There have been many years where the pace of life has sped me through important moments without much reflection at all. I wonder how many times I’ve arrived on Easter morning, unprepared? I’m shamed at how I’ll prepare for other, less significant, meetings. I almost always make prep-time. Praise the Lord for grace, this year will be different.

As I’ve given things up, you know what I’ve found? There is someone else living inside of me. Someone I don’t much care for. He’s mostly selfish, negative, grumbles perpetually and has a rather short fuse. Most who know me have never met him, in fact, I’d be mortified if they did. He’s not the person I’d want anyone to meet. However, as I’ve been fasting, his irritating self pops up in my mind, in my heart and sometimes on my lips to make willful demands. It’s been rather embarrassing, but it’s been rather wonderful, too. You see, one of the benefits of fasting is that it puts a focus on misplaced hunger, appetites, and desires. It feels unnatural, even wrong, to be denied what we want or need for a season. But God knows that true satisfaction comes solely from Him. “Blessed are they who hunger and thirst…” Jesus says, “For they will be satisfied.” When we do, we come face to face with Him, and when we do, He creates in us a pure heart. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. (Matt.5:8) I want that.

A distinctive sharpness is on my spirit as I pray, particularly when repenting of what I can now see more clearly. That “selfish grumbly guy” has been living rent free for years, hiding in the stick pile of my heart and mind. 

Someone once said, “You can’t participate with what you can’t see.” This Lenten season I’m cooperating with the Lord as He reveals things hidden in plain sight.

The heat of a different kind of “burn pile” is growing within, it’s inching ever larger, as the debris of careless living, of selfishness, irritation, negativity, etc. are being dragged in. Jesus is gathering it all into the blazing furnace of Himself, canceling, consuming, and freeing. What is impossible for me, is made possible in Him. The message of the cross burns like a fire anew.  

What’s living rent free in you today?