Tinted Windows

A few months back our van threatened a failing transmission, and those are never quick or cheap to fix. The days of toting a larger family around are gone, so I was perfectly happy to find something smaller, as long as it was a Honda.

A friend helped me find something. I study the owner as much as the car before making any decisions; integrity and conscientiousness are hard to fake. If I see it in the owner, chances are it’s reflected in the car. I’ve mostly bought Hondas, so perhaps my batting average is little higher than most. 

I found a nice Honda Civic with a manual transmission and tinted windows. I grew up driving a stick, and love the feel of clutch and gear. I’d just heard a funny police report on the radio where a “20-something” would-be car thief had jumped the owner of a Porsche 911 expecting to speed off, but was apprehended a block away trying to find 2nd gear. The art of driving has changed for the younger generation. It’s thief protection with this one, I thought.

Even so, it takes a while to get comfortable with a new ride. I’d never had tinted windows before. From the inside, everything looks normal and clear, but from the outside it’s fairly difficult to see who’s behind the wheel. Several times, at a traffic light, I’ve pulled up next to a friend of mine. I’d smile and wave when they looked my way, but they’d just give my car the once over, and ignore me. Huh, that’s odd, I thought. When I’d roll down the window, that’s when their faces would light up. “Hi! I didn’t see you in there,” they’d say. That thin shading on my windows has made me nearly invisible, even right up close. When that barrier is removed, community happens. 

Several weeks back, I was leaving Buffalo Wild Wings having just watched the victorious USA in the Woman’s World Cup final. Unlocking my car, I slid into the driver’s seat, keeping the door ajar, while checking my phone.

A few moments later, this huge guy yanked open my door and yelled, “Dude, what do you think you’re doing?!”

I was shocked, especially by his anger. “This is my car, man,” I said. He wasn’t having any of it and squared off, opening my door further. “Really man, I’m telling you, I just bought it a few months ago…” I said. He wasn’t so sure. “Do you have a Civic, too?” I said, trying to diffuse the situation.

He was confused, taking a long look at the inside of my car. When he saw my things tossed about the front seat, he looked up around the parking lot. “Nah, man, you’re cool, this ain’t my car,” he said. “Dang though, it looks just like it. I thought you were breaking in.”

“Tinted windows?” I said, climbing out of the car. He laughed and shook my hand, “Yeah, tinted windows. Sorry man, that’s too weird, I’m still a little amped up…that’s my car over there,” he said, pointing two spaces over.

“No worries,” I said, “It’s hard to see in through these windows.” He walked off shaking his head and apologizing, while I got back in the driver’s seat. 

Someone once said that the greatest distance between two people is a misunderstanding. I like that, and it got me thinking about how normal it is to live, intentionally shielding ourselves from others; and when that’s true, how easy it is for misunderstandings and confusion. 

Why was I being ignored? Understanding came when I rolled the window down. Why is this guy about to punch me, sitting in my own car? When he got an inside look, things were resolved. How much of my life is looking out of tinted windows? Funny, they never look tinted from the inside. 

With earbuds in place, or screens in our face, or living in perpetual motion, all can be personal strategies of hiding in plain sight. We’re being misunderstood more than we know.

Actually, I’m completely for having a secret life. I think there are places to cultivate a secret, even shielded, space in life. But it’s important to know your motivation is—whether it’s for moving deeper in connection, or partitioning off to avoid it? 

I like the instruction of Jesus when he said, “…when you pray, go into your inner room, shut your door, and pray to your Father, who is unseen. And your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” (Matthew 6:6)

What side of the window are you looking through?